I woke up at 9:45. It had been a long time since I managed to get up this early. Determined to eat breakfast today, I took a shower, did my skincare, and then went downstairs.
I wondered if Luca was already there, so I went down the stairs and found him talking with two girls. At that moment my heart skipped a beat. "Should I say hi? But I'm scared to join their group." Thoughts like that raced through my head.
Because of past trauma, I feel a strong anxiety about joining groups. This is a challenge of mine I haven't fully overcome yet.
For the time being I went to prepare breakfast: five slices of watermelon, two bananas, I ordered an omelette, and toasted two slices of bread.
I calmed myself by petting a nearby dog, and in the end I sat at a table a little ways away to eat. To be honest, I ran away.
Can I tell myself, "It's okay"?
At moments like this I want to put myself down. I want to blame myself for not having tried. But what I have to tell myself in those moments is, "It's okay."
If I keep putting myself down, my self-esteem will only keep falling. Those moments happen. But opportunities don't come around that often.
So next time I'll act with courage. Today I ran away. I retreated to my comfort zone. But it's okay — just realizing it is enough, I think. I'm trying to change.
An invitation from Luca, and meeting Sophie
A little later Luca came into the room and invited me, saying, "I'm thinking of going to Chiang Rai tomorrow — want to come?" I was really happy. I had been a bit down after what happened earlier, but I thought, we're roommates by chance, after all, so I decided to go with him. I booked a 1,300 baht tour at the front desk.
He was going to rent a bike and go on an adventure with the Swiss girl he had just met. I thought it was nice — really impressive. I can absolutely do that too. My true self is good at communicating and cheerful. Right now I'm just a bit withdrawn. So I'm looking for an environment that will bring that out. In the end it's all up to my own mind.
When I came back from the bathroom I met Luca's friend Sophie. She's from Switzerland and had been speaking French with Luca. When I said I was from Japan, we got excited talking about sushi. I was nervous, but I think I managed to smile and shake hands to greet her.
Environments with new people are scary. Especially stepping into a situation where two people are already friends — that takes real courage. I can totally handle parties where everyone is strangers. But in the end, it's the person who acts who wins, and it's only me who's thinking it's awkward.
First time buying protein overseas
I took a bike taxi to a protein shop. 1,700 baht. It was 2,000 yen more expensive than the same product sold in Japan, but I decided to buy it as an investment in myself.
Whey protein for 29 servings. My first time buying protein abroad. Not bad at all.
Three hours at a café while walking around Chiang Mai
Then I walked to a café. It also functioned as a coworking space, so it was great. It started raining on the way. The river in Chiang Mai was muddy, and walking around I felt differences in the levels of development between countries. I had the impression that Vietnam had electric cars and tidier streets, yet Thailand can be more expensive. Personally I really like Vietnam's cost performance and energy, so I can't help comparing as I walk.
I ordered a matcha latte at the café. I chose a "Uji matcha latte" with zero sugar, and it was insanely bitter. I learned that however health-conscious you are, you need some sugar to an extent. Otherwise you lose the motivation to drink it.
I spent about three hours at the café studying React and doing work. The people around me were mostly nomads. Many travelers in Thailand have tattoos, which made me feel the cultural differences. My theme is "living beautifully," so I think I prefer natural skin myself, but that's a matter of individual values.
Two Khao Man Gai in a row
Hungry, I left the café and ordered Khao Man Gai for 60 baht at a nearby stall. It was tasty and I was happy to get some protein. Back at the hostel I ordered Khao Man Gai again — this time with steamed chicken. The hostel's Khao Man Gai was large and felt like a great deal.
Gym day 3: back and shoulders
After a short break I went to the gym. I still had muscle soreness two days later, so I skipped arms, chest, and abs, and decided to work on back and shoulders today.
I put together my workout plan by asking ChatGPT and then worked through each exercise while watching videos on Instagram and TikTok. It's really fun. Since I started going to the gym, I've learned many exercises and come to understand my body in detail. What weight is appropriate, how many reps is the right load. I really think this is a high-return investment in myself.
I have a friend who will go anywhere in Vietnam by motorbike — head to the middle of nowhere, see breathtaking views, and talk to locals in the local language. That's what I think of as true "travel." As a digital nomad I travel more leisurely, so it's hard for me to have those kinds of adventures. I want to take a trip like his someday to really feel the real local life.
A highly productive day
After finishing at the gym I returned to the hostel. Today was a very efficient and productive day. I feel it's been a while since I've had such a fulfilling day. After all, life is about how much you can challenge yourself.
