I woke up at eight. I had sweated a lot during the night. It seemed I'd caught a cold and felt feverish.
I felt like all the fatigue was finally catching up with me. Ever since the scuba training in Koh Tao I've been on the move every day and my body hasn't really had time to rest. I wish I could take a day to do nothing and just relax.
A motorcycle like the one in the movie TAXI
I hurriedly took a shower, washed my face, and got ready. I had packed my backpack last night, so I just needed to tidy up a bit. Suvarnabhumi International Airport was quite a distance away; I thought it'd take about 45 minutes, but it felt like it would be closer to an hour.
So I decided to go by motorbike instead of taking the train. I booked a bike, and Google Maps said 35 minutes but Grab said 50, which made me go 'huh?' and panic a bit. But panicking wouldn't help, and I'd already paid, so I let it go.
Halfway there the bike guy asked 'What time do you need to be at the airport?' I said 9:45, but that it was okay to be about ten minutes late. Then he suddenly sped up and it felt just like the movie TAXI. Misirlou would have fit perfectly. I thought he must have been going around 100 km/h — fast enough I felt my glasses might be blown off.
When I first got on the bike I thought, 'Ah, I should have taken the train,' but the moment he sped off I thought, 'This is awesome!' It cost 228 baht, which was pretty expensive, but I'm glad I chose it.
It really was amazing. I didn't think we'd possibly get to the airport in 45 minutes, but we did. I was about a minute late, but I hadn't expected to arrive at all, so I smiled and said, 'You are so amazing! Thank you very much! Have a good day!' and waved goodbye. Best motorbike ever.
Leaving Thailand, and heading to Malaysia
My flight was with Firefly, and there were hardly any people waiting so I was able to check in immediately. I wondered if Malaysians or Thais tend to arrive at the airport three hours early and get everything done well in advance.
So I felt like leftover baggage. For the first time my luggage was overweight — the limit was 10 kg but mine was 14.4 kg, so I paid 530 THB. It was about 2,300 yen, so I guess that's on the cheaper side. They also checked for a return ticket and other things; it was quite strict. I'll remember that Malaysia really requires a return ticket.
I completed departure procedures without a hitch! Apparently Thailand's departure process is now automated — even for foreign passports there were no stamps, everything was fully automated. I was surprised; that's amazing. After that I headed to the lounge.
I had my last Thai meal in the first-class lounge. It was very delicious, and it felt like ages since I'd eaten something so luxurious. In the end I was too full to eat a sandwich.
Arrived still feeling unwell
I boarded the plane. I felt off. While on the plane my head was buzzing and throbbing, a pulsing pain. I figured I probably drank too much wine.
After arriving I felt a real chill. The slightly nerve-wracking immigration went through fine. I called a Grab with my heavy backpack and headed to the hostel. It took about 30 minutes to get there so it felt pretty far. After checking in I was so exhausted that I collapsed and slept for about two hours.
Someone came in who looked French. He was very tall and I just thought 'wow.' I thought about striking up a conversation, but my head hurt and I wasn't feeling well, so I didn't.
A&W root beer and what I thought about in my loneliness
I walked to the shopping mall. I'd been to Malaysia two years ago, so I kind of remembered the vibe of the city and was trying to recall how it felt. There was an A&W and I suddenly wanted root beer after a long time, so I decided to have dinner there.
A chicken burger set was 20 ringgit — about 700 yen. I'd say that's a reasonable price, not too expensive. The root beer was huge. I thought I'd get fat if I drank it all, so I didn't.
It was a night that felt somehow lonely. I think I'm definitely feeling lonely. Even while lying in bed today I kept thinking about that girl I like, wondering 'what if it were like this?' and having those thoughts made me sad. But that's purely fantasy — I should live this moment more brightly.
Humans only have this moment. We can only live the moment. Don't think about the past or the future — decide what to do now, what actions to take. The future will change because of that. I know this. Another me knows this too, but when I'm feeling sick, I'm not like that. Maybe when I'm unwell I want others to understand me. I wonder.
The loneliness and depth of solo travel
There are certainly fun moments when you're adventuring alone, and it can look like the best time, but it's not always like that—there are painful times when you carry loneliness. While eating at A&W I kept thinking 'why is it like this?', 'will I be okay going forward?', 'I'm earning now, but what about later?', and worrying. I felt a slight urge to cry.
When you adventure alone all the time you can't avoid thinking about yourself. The more time you spend confronting yourself, the more you wonder what kind of being you are, what kind of person you are. And because humans are such dark creatures, your dark sides inevitably start to surface, and you feel yourself sinking further into a swamp.
So I thought 'idleness' isn't good. But I'm not idle — I'm deliberately creating this kind of time because I think it's very important. You can only have these experiences when traveling alone; if I'd gotten a regular job I wouldn't have had the chance to face myself. Of course, in that life your dark sides aren't visible and don't get exposed as easily.
It's not like you can go on a three-night solo trip into the woods and suddenly see your deepest self. That's why taking a year to confront yourself like this is very painful, sad, and tough. But I think you gain depth from it. If you get a normal job, everyone seems happy on the surface and is just swamped with daily tasks.
So after a day of hard work you go home, eat ice cream, watch TV, and laugh — those things bring happiness. But I wonder what happens if that continues long-term. What happens if you age without ever revealing your inner self?
So face yourself properly, bring your inner dark parts into the light, decide how to deal with them and how to live. If those dark parts exist, it's okay. How will you make use of them? There's nothing else to do but think about that relentlessly, take action, and put it into practice. What else is there?
I was thinking about all that in a Starbucks. Here I handled urgent tasks and worked on projects right up against deadlines. I'm really tired, but I absolutely wanted to write in my journal. Tomorrow I want to get up early and work.
