I ended up waking up at noon today. For some reason, I couldn't sleep well.
Gym after a long time and 50-baht khao man gai
I took a shower and decided to go to the gym. It had been a while since I'd been. While walking to the gym, I decided to eat khao man gai.
There's a recommended khao man gai restaurant nearby, so I stopped there to take a breather. I keep thinking 50 baht is really cheap. After eating that, I trained at the gym the whole time. I trained for about two hours today. First back, then shoulders, arms and chest, and finally abs. I put very heavy weights on everything.
I'd taken three days off, so I thought it would be okay to train hard. I could feel it in my arms and shoulders and couldn't help but grin. It was that kind of time. As for protein, luckily there was a beaker in the hostel kitchen, so I used it to put the protein into a plastic bottle.
Noticing the INFP 'self-protection mode'
After the gym I drank Pocari and protein and headed to my usual restaurant. At that moment, something interesting happened to me.
I suddenly felt I could strongly relate to the INFP trait of 'shrinking back when others expect things of you.' Yesterday the girl at the restaurant said, 'See you tomorrow~.' That somehow felt like a burden and made me not want to go back. I started worrying what if my face tenses up, or I have to hold myself together, or I mustn't be disliked. I thought I couldn't betray the fact she opened her heart to me. I kept thinking a lot of things like that.
That's being in 'self-protection mode' and using a lot of the frontal lobe. So you don't act in 'the moment' but instead start thinking 'how should I say this,' and because of that you can't communicate well and end up with a stiff face. So I think this 'self-protection mode' is the problem.
I was talking about that with ChatGPT. Then I started feeling really unwell and realized it was the onset of heatstroke. My head felt fuzzy and I was sweating a lot. I thought this is bad and walked straight to the restaurant. But today the woman wasn't there — only her mother, an aunt. That's just how life goes sometimes.
'Being my true self' works
And I was able to act without thinking about it. That's because 'I didn't have the mental space to think.' In other words, if you go without thinking you do fine. But if you go in overthinking, it won't work. That's really interesting.
In short, going as your 'true self' works. Because you can express your pure self to the other person. But if you go in as a 'well-thought-out, calculated' version of yourself, it doesn't work. That's essentially what overthinking is. It's really interesting.
Surely I'm afraid of losing the warmth since the other person opened up to me. I'm afraid of becoming cold. That's why I feel I have to be solid. That's the problem.
But you can't control how the other person will behave. What's important is how you are. Whether you are truly enjoying the situation right now. That's really important. If you live that way, you'll naturally be able to behave accordingly.
I almost got heatstroke
After that I got too full so I decided to take the rest to go. I bought three bottles of Pocari Sweat at a nearby convenience store and drank them while walking. Since I'd finished the gym, I must have been a bit dehydrated.
I was dizzy and felt a little nauseous, so I hurriedly rehydrated. Unfortunately, I was close to getting really bad.
Working in the hostel lobby
Then I walked back to the hostel and rested. A friend is coming to Japan, so I was thinking about plans and doing necessary things. Before I knew it, it was 9 PM. So today I decided to work in the hostel lobby.
