I woke up at noon today. For some reason the back of my neck hurts. It feels like the veins are throbbing, and it’s oddly painful.
I was actually planning to go to the War Museum, but it closes at 4:30 PM and there wasn’t enough time. So I thought, well, maybe I’ll go get a massage instead.
I’m still kind of conservative; I could only say "Hi" to the new roommate. I quickly brushed my teeth and shut myself in my box. The new German roommate, though, warmed up to everyone right away — people are just impressive.
But this is something I used to be able to do. Over the course of life, a lot of trauma and unpleasant experiences piled up, and maybe I developed a fearful-avoidant attachment. I have to build up small successes first. But I should already be able to do that. Why have I slipped back?
It’s because I’m staying in my comfort zone. Feeling embarrassed is natural, and people are kinder and more responsive than I expect. That’s the reality.
Also, just because someone ignored or rejected me doesn’t mean I have no worth.
That’s their subjective view — their timing, their way of thinking. People who take it personally need to separate that. My value is determined by me. That’s it.
And actually, I’ve hardly ever been rejected. In the end, it was just my own assumption.
So, first: lunch. I decided to go to a nearby pho restaurant!
Looking at the menu, a very cute server said "Hi" and then asked "Where are you from?" I answered with a smile. Because they smiled, I smiled; because they opened up, I opened up. It really is true.
What you put out comes back. Interaction is equal. Who goes first? The brave person does. I want to be someone who approaches people that friendly. I must have been that way before.
But when experiences and trauma accumulate, people get heavy. Then they can’t move. So I want to erase that gradually by stacking small successes.
She came to my table and would say "Do you have a boyfriend?" or cover her mouth and say "Omg sooo handsome" — it was almost off-putting. Maybe she couldn’t believe someone would think of me that way. I took it half in disbelief and half in awe.
Being complimented like that really hits introverts. I thought I should be brave and reach out to people more.
She was pleasant, so I thought about asking for Instagram. She brought pho and spring rolls. I ate slowly, took about 30 minutes, and while eating I kept thinking about it and occasionally felt her gaze.
As for the taste, both the pho and the spring roll were the worst I’ve had. So I decided never to go back. The staff were friendly, but the food was bad.
After finishing I said "Check please." At the same time I asked, "Do you study Japanese?" and we had a short conversation. Apparently she’s learning a little Japanese.
I had been wondering when to ask for her Instagram. I thought the right time would be right after paying — and then she surprised me by asking first.
"Could you scan your code this? and also… can we exchange instagram?" she said.
Completely unexpected. She beat me to it. I wanted to have the experience of "mustering up courage," but she had more courage than I did.
So we exchanged Instagrams. She was nervous but tried to hide it with a smile. You could tell by subtle differences.
She didn’t have many followers, so I figured she chose to ask me. Later, in chat, she told me I was the first person who’d asked for her Instagram. That made me really happy.
Since we’d exchanged, I suggested "Wanna go for a walk?" but got a curt reply. Suddenly she got dry — maybe she was embarrassed, or maybe she experienced that sudden cooling-off when she realized my interest (the so-called "frog effect"). Whatever; it was fine.
I’m thinking I’ll try to meet up once after arranging schedules. If I hadn’t gone to that restaurant, I wouldn’t have met her — life is really funny.
After that I went for a massage. I originally planned to go to the Military Museum but it was far and my neck, shoulders, and head hurt badly.
Especially under my temples and the back of my neck — it felt like a pulsing throb. When I asked ChatGPT it said possibilities like dehydration, fatigue, or autonomic nervous system imbalance. So I decided to get a massage.
I went to "Dao’s Care." It was run by the Dao ethnic group, and about 80% of the staff were blind. Because of that they were very attentive, and they said, "No tip needed. We want you to relax."
When I arrived it was like a hidden spot.
First you soak up to 30 minutes in a bath mixed with more than 20 kinds of herbs, then the massage starts. They served tea first, which was truly relaxing and delicious.
Then into the bath.
But this is Vietnam — it’s so hot you’re soaked in sweat in five minutes. Even after adding water it didn’t stop. I love baths though, and it felt like a long-awaited hot spring, so I enjoyed it for about 25 minutes.
After the bath I changed into the provided clothes and went upstairs. Blind therapists were waiting and guided me in English while touching my body: "Take off your watch," "Remove your clothes." I lay face down and had a massage focused on my head, shoulders, and neck.
A two-hour package was 600,000 dong — about 3,000 yen. Unbelievable.
The massage itself was great. But did it improve things? To be honest, not really.
I chose a herbal massage this time — they used herbal oil and aromatherapy, which I liked because it relaxed me. But I should’ve chosen the deep-tissue option to get into the muscles.
Right after it finished I felt weak. I thought it was because blood flow increased and stagnant waste products started moving.
Still, my head hurt more and the throbbing got worse. So I learned that massaging when your head already hurts can sometimes be counterproductive.
But it was a good experience. I thought I should take care of myself about once a month.
After it ended I was insanely thirsty. I’d been sweating so much that the therapist touched my face and asked, "Oh are you hot?" and laughed at me (lol).
I drank a lot of water and ended up finishing the whole kettle.
It made me wonder what the world is like for blind people. They massage all day long. Being blind means total darkness — how do they feel living each day? Do they have hobbies? What is their life like? It made me think a lot.
Again, it’s so important to realize how lucky we are to be fully able-bodied, to see, smell, taste, and hear. Noticing that properly is really important.
Because it’s taken for granted, people don’t feel it as happiness. Only after losing it, or becoming that way, do they notice. So how much can you feel on a daily basis?
I’m fully able-bodied and satisfied. That alone means I’m actually fortunate. So I should live fully for both myself and for them, use everything to feel, and give back to society. That felt important.
Then I took a motorbike taxi to Vincom Center. On the top floor I ordered a steak plate with rice, egg, and vegetables. The steak, long overdue, was tasty but tough. It cost around 800 yen. Cheap. The panna cotta was about 150 yen — a real bargain.
On the first floor they had Creed perfume and a Montblanc "Collection" higher-end model, so I tried them. Very nice scent — another discovery.
They also had Karl Lagerfeld perfume, but it smelled way too strong and I didn’t like it. He revived CHANEL and was a great designer, but his own brand being mediocre felt kind of sad.
After leaving Vincom I walked toward the Old Quarter. I took headache medicine at the hostel and then went to meet Ann for a date. I met Ann on Bumble and planned to meet at Hoan Kiem Lake at 9 PM. I thought that was too late, but because Vietnam is so hot, that time apparently works best.
...But while walking my headache got really bad. I felt like I was going to break. So I switched to a motorbike and went back to the hostel. I took medicine right away and felt a little better.
When I entered the room, an English guy named Alex was there. We’d never met but I was able to ask, "Hi! Where are you from?" He was very friendly and his English was easy to understand — well, actually very fast, but maybe I was used to it because I spoke fairly fluently. Maybe I was relaxed, or maybe he put me at ease.
He quit his job and has been traveling Southeast Asia for six months. When I said I’d been traveling for a year he asked, "Did you do the Ha Giang Loop?" I had no idea what that was and he was surprised. Almost every backpacker goes — apparently it’s a roughly 200 km route you take by motorbike over several days. I had no clue such a trip existed.
I learned something again.
"I need to be more proactive and interact with people at the hostel," I thought. I’m missing out.
I tend to treat hostels like places where I want quiet alone time to sleep. But that’s such a waste. My belief is wrong — people aren’t going to reject me. I just haven’t shaken it off yet. Well, time and experience will fix it.
And hostels aren’t just cheap places to sleep; they’re where travelers gather and share information. Don’t forget that. If I hadn’t met him I would’ve never known about the Ha Giang Loop.
So far I’ve only been to major cities like Hanoi, HCMC, and Da Nang. That’s more like being a tourist, not a backpacker. I don’t yet know the "real backpacker world."
A German girl was saying she’s thinking of going overland to Laos from Hue, and I thought she’s on another level. I want to get to that level too.
At the same time, I painfully realized my research is lacking.
I’m a flâneur type — I walk, see something interesting, and go. No plans every day. But I book flights and hotels in advance. That causes things like this. If I hadn’t booked my flight, I might’ve been able to do the Ha Giang Loop.
Why did I lock myself into "I’ll stay in Hanoi for a week"? I could have gone to Haiphong or gone to Halong alone and traveled overland. My thinking was naive. It’s important not only to act but to research properly.
From now on I’ll search hashtags on TikTok, watch travel reels for that country, and decide my plan. Really. Doing that should make travel more fun.
But switching between MBTI J and P is hard.
Right now I’m ENFP, and at work I’m ENTJ. But while traveling unexpected things happen, and I become P. Ideally I’d be P70%/J30%, but I’m at P95% now. Lack of research cost me. It’s a failure, but also a big lesson.
I’m still only on my second country so it’s okay now, but I’ll visit dozens more. At minimum, I need to properly research where I want to go and what’s there.
Because P is strong in me, habits matter. People with strong J are good at self-management and keeping habits. Keeping habits = keeping promises to yourself. That builds confidence and self-esteem.
So while traveling I want to hold an identity of "this is how I operate" and value things I do every day. I’ve managed three days of "record in French and upload to YouTube" — keep doing it daily. My French will improve and I’ll gain confidence. Nothing but good comes from that.
Also, getting used to a new environment takes energy. Returning to hostel life after a while messed up my autonomic nervous system and gave me a headache. The hostel in central Hanoi, lack of sleep, heat, amount of work, living with people, my own mission — all combined into feeling unwell. Day one was especially bad. I didn’t want to be there; I wanted to escape to somewhere with fewer people.
But now I’m fine. Only three days passed and look how quickly you adapt. Adaptation is amazing. Repeating and getting used to something — that’s what matters.
Challenges are the same: it’s about the number of attempts. That’s it.
By around 9 PM I headed to the meeting spot since it was almost time. Around Hoan Kiem Lake. I bought water at Circle K before heading over. Maybe because it was Saturday, the crowd was insane. Live shows were happening everywhere — Vietnamese cultural songs that older people might like. But the energy was intense.
At 9 PM, the lake was flooded by Saturday’s heat and people like a wave.
While waiting for her I was talking to my Osmo Pocket in English, recording myself.
"Today I feel like something might happen," I said.
Little did I expect it would become a "date with almost no words."
I arrived at the meeting spot. I wasn’t that nervous. Why I wonder — I was in a good mood, maybe. Until she came I kept recording my recent thoughts on the Osmo Pocket. Even though lots of people passed by, I spoke in English without caring. That’s another kind of getting used to things.
While drinking water, she showed up.
"Hi! I’m glad to meet you!" she said with a smile and shook my hand, then said, "Let’s walk," and we started walking.
While walking I asked lots of questions: How was your day? What are you doing? What do you like? Have you traveled anywhere?
Then she said STOP! She had a symptom like hyperventilating, so she was definitely nervous. I asked, "Are you tired?" and she said, "I’m tired" (lol). ISFPs need thinking time and move at a slower pace, so when bombarded with questions like me they can panic.
So we found a bench and sat, waiting for her to start talking.
Then she asked, "What's your job?" We ended up talking for about three hours. ISFPs are really sensitive and communicate a lot through behavior, so it was genuinely interesting. Of those three hours, I think we actually spoke for maybe 50 minutes.
The other two-plus hours were silence — just being next to each other. We mostly sat on a bench. The date with her was unforgettable: strange and fun. I understood her request to "not rush," and I felt like it was okay to be myself.
She and I stayed shoulder-to-shoulder the whole time. Maybe because I realized it wasn’t rejection, I could speak when I wanted and share my feelings. Maybe because she’s introverted I could be extraverted.
That’s exactly an ENFP trait. Her birthday was March 31 — only three days apart from mine — and we shared the Aries zodiac sign. Maybe there was something that drew us. In any case, it was really fun. A date based only on atmosphere might be the first I’ve ever had.
It was a date of body language, atmosphere, and pauses. I think that can only be experienced with an ISFP. Truly fascinating.
At one point she grabbed my arm and led me to a bench — that’s her way of communicating, I thought. I was happy; I figured she trusted me. We talked about Sapa too, and if she’s still single next time maybe we could go together. She said she’s bisexual — attracted to both women and men.
I found that interesting. I’m extremely straight and like women. Because I can’t really grasp emotions, I asked, "What does it feel like to like a woman?" She didn’t know how to explain and stayed silent. We also talked about Vietnamese food, how long she’s been single, and the dating process in Vietnam.
Vietnam’s dating is similar to Japan: you usually go on dates two or three times, then confess, and if both agree you become a couple. It’s formal, so I’m not a big fan, but it’s interesting. When I suggested taking a picture together she refused, shyly hiding her face in her knees. She said taking pictures alone and taking pictures with someone are completely different. I’m the opposite — I’m shy taking solo photos. But everyone is different, so okay. She said, "Later, wait for now."
We’d only known each other for about an hour so she probably hadn’t sorted her feelings. That was interesting. It’s rare someone says "no" to a photo request, so it was amusing. Her skin was beautiful; the lights from the lake reflected and made it more romantic. She had high aesthetic sense — makeup and nails perfect.
She has a tattoo that says in Vietnamese "Independence, freedom, happy," she told me.
Looking back, all we talked about was emotions. Maybe that’s because we’re both Fs in MBTI. Talking about feelings creates connection. I love talking about emotions. At one quiet moment she leaned on my arm and closed her eyes a bit.
She looked sleepy, and though I wondered why I was happy. The air pollution was bad. When the building lights went out you could tell how serious the pollution was. We sat by the lake on a bench and spent time watching it.
She works at a clothing store and is busy until Saturday. So she only has one day off and when I asked what she does, she said she sleeps or reads books (lol). Very ISFP.
We talked until about 12:20 AM. She looked like she wanted to go home, so I asked if she wanted to leave and she said "Yes!!" which was a bit of a shock, but we said bye there.
I bought water at Circle K and went back to the hostel.
Still, it felt really comfortable. I love that middle-space communication; it’s fun. My date with her was mysterious and I could open up, and I could tell her how I felt without my face twitching. I casually complimented her and showed interest.
Of course, I wasn’t trying to start a relationship. I’m only in Hanoi for six days so that wouldn’t work, but you can give someone your heart. It was a deeply moving, enjoyable date. We even talked about going somewhere else next time.
We forgot to take photos, so next time we said we should. I felt her warmth and comfort physically.
Our arms stayed in contact the whole time, so we were communicating that way — receiving each other’s energy and connecting without words, not exactly staring into each other’s eyes. It was a really strange feeling.
When I got back to the hostel Alex had just returned. I asked for and exchanged Instagrams with him. Being able to say "let’s exchange Instagrams" was a big step forward for me.
I think I just make things harder for myself. Exchanging Instagrams should be natural. I overthink. I should use my heart more.
That was a day full of adventure.
