A night I filled five sheets of stationery with Vietnamese — a letter I wasn't sure I'd be able to give.
Jealousy, fights, and reconciliation
Today I woke up just after 1 p.m. I was really tired from yesterday's Tam Dao trip and slept a lot.
After waking up I replied to Nga. When she learned that I had met other people during the trip, she was jealous. She said her chest felt tight and it was hard to breathe. I was inwardly very sad, thinking I had been really stupid. Since she had sent so many messages, I decided to respond.
First, I honestly told her that, as a matter of my values, meeting various people while traveling is an important experience, and that there are memories and connections you can only create there. I also mentioned that we had never formally talked about being in a romantic relationship.
She seemed to understand to some extent. She had exploded emotionally yesterday, but now she seemed calm. Still, when I thought that maybe I wouldn't be able to see Nga anymore, I really felt sad. It was heartbreaking to think that the day we went to Tam Dao might have been the last. But I also felt that she understood my perspective.
Cafe was full; bun cha delivery
I thought I'd walk to a cafe to work. But maybe because it was Saturday, it was packed. It was muggy, so I didn't want to work in that kind of place. In the end I had bun cha delivered and decided to work while eating in the Airbnb room.
While I was doing that, Nga sent a message. She said she was okay with it and wanted to meet before I left Hanoi. I was really happy because I hadn't expected it at all. When I suggested, “How about tomorrow?” she said she wanted to meet today, so we decided to meet today.
I spent an hour and a half on a Vietnamese letter.
I decided to write all the things I wanted to tell her. First I wrote them in a notebook, then had ChatGPT translate them into Vietnamese. Since there are subtle nuances, I checked and had it revise them many, many times.
Once the style was decided, I wrote it on stationery I bought at Muji. Last time I had written small on a message card, but this time it was large stationery and the pen was very easy to write with, so the words flowed smoothly.
Before I knew it, I was enjoying writing in Vietnamese. I spent an hour and a half filling five sheets of stationery with Vietnamese. I'm looking forward to giving this to her. There's no sad possibility of spending time writing it and then not being able to hand it over. The guarantee that I would definitely be able to give it today was reassuring.
She wasn't angry at all
Nga came to the room at 9:30 p.m. She didn't seem angry at all and acted normal. I hugged her and then held her in the room. I apologized for meeting other people. She said, “It's okay now.”
We spent sweet time together. When I told her that thinking today might be the last made me really sad, she asked me in turn, “Is today the last?” Apparently she didn't think today would be the last and said we could just meet again tomorrow.
So I felt relieved. I had assumed it was the last time and that she wanted to process her emotions quickly.
Prayer bead charm
I asked Nga if she could give me something as a travel talisman, even a small souvenir. She gave me the prayer beads she had on her hand. Apparently her mother had gone to the temple and received them from a monk, and they were imbued with prayers.
I felt a bit guilty receiving them, but I also thought it might be her way of expressing love. I accepted them gratefully. I decided to keep them as an important travel talisman and a memento.
I'll give the letter tomorrow, together with flowers
It ended up being around 1:45 a.m. We both fell into a deep sleep, and she hurriedly got on her bike and left. “See you tomorrow,” she said.
I had intended to give her the letter, but I couldn't due to how things went. I thought it would be best to give it with the flowers tomorrow.
