Reunion and first meetings in Ho Chi Minh. A day spent with two friends, a Russian and a Vietnamese
I woke up at noon. Brushed my teeth and took a shower as usual. Today was the day I would meet Sonya, a Russian friend I met on Bumble, for the first time.
We matched when I first came to HCMC, about two weeks ago. I went to Quy Nhon and Hanoi right away, so I only got to meet her after returning to HCMC. She lives here as an English teacher and said she's in her second year. I grabbed the tote bag and water I bought in Hanoi and headed out.
Genmaicha latte at a hidden cafe
Sonya said she knew a really nice cafe and introduced me to a place called 'Every Half Coffee Roasters.' It was a hidden cafe tucked away in a maze of alleys that you pretty much need a motorbike to reach. It had a courtyard in the middle with an open ceiling, lots of trees, and small block tables. A very creative space.
I immediately ordered a 'genmaicha latte.' I thought a genmaicha latte was really unusual. Then a girl who looked like Sonya waved, and I knew right away. We did the customary first-time hug and started talking. She had ordered a genmaicha latte too, so I thought, 'We're the same!'
The strength of 'not shutting your heart'
She is an INFP and loves deep conversations. We started by talking about Hanoi, then gradually moved into deeper topics. What really interested me was how she rebuilt herself after her ex left. So we dug deep into that together.
Normally, when someone leaves you, you think 'I'm not attractive' or 'Am I worthless?' and your self-esteem drops. As a result, you become relationship-focused, develop an avoidant attachment, and become cold-hearted — a vibe often seen in Gen Z where you treat someone coldly to make them obsessed — I think that happens.
But in her case it was different. She thought, 'Even if he leaves, I myself don't change. I thought he was part of my soul, but apparently that's not true. So it's not strange that he leaves.' She seemed to think, 'I exist independently of him; even if he isn't here, I'm still me.' And she said, 'I don't want to become cold because of that. I want to live with the warm heart I've always had.'
I thought it was amazing that she arrived at that line of thinking. If I were in her position, I think I'd shut my heart and become cold. Closing off protects you from getting hurt. But that's really sad. She's truly strong.
In your twenties, 'wide and shallow' is fine
We also shared our values. Questions like 'What's the axis of your life?' and 'Do you have goals or dreams?' Sonya said she'd been working nonstop and had neglected friends and her own time, so now her goal is to live a more balanced life. I said my goal, through traveling the world, is to remove my tinted lenses, gain new perspectives, and find my dream: a place where I belong.
We talked about 'what a friend is' too. From her perspective: 'Even if you meet great people while traveling, it's temporary and you end up saying bye, right? Doesn't that make you sad? If you connect, do you keep in touch as friends forever? How do you maintain those relationships?' She said friends make her anxious if they're not physically present — being in person is important. Maybe it's hard to maintain relationships with distance and time difference.
So I told her, 'Saying bye doesn't bother me. If someone was a good person, you'll plan to meet again in the future. If you go to that country, you talk to them and meet up saying, “Long time no see.” That’s enough for me to call them a friend.'
Also, I think in your twenties it's more important to build wide and shallow relationships than very deep ones. Twenties are a time for adventure, so finding an intense friend and sticking with them forever feels like a waste. I'm not at the stage to settle down yet.
There are so many moments when I'm glad I'm traveling alone. If I had been adventuring with friends or a partner, my encounters with people would have been extremely limited. Things like having the receptionist write in my notebook, having someone at the pharmacy write in my notebook, taking photos — those wouldn't have happened.
Since arriving in Vietnam, I've seen a lot of couples and groups of friends, and I feel they have far fewer chances for new encounters compared to me, which feels like a shame. That's just my perspective.
So again, it's too early to settle down. I still want to meet many different people. I want to raise my level and meet lots of people who share the same mindset. So I challenge myself daily and want to grow a lot.
Three hours of conversation, genmaicha latte, Russian
Somehow Sonya and I talked for about three hours. It rained at one point and we moved from the courtyard inside. The cafe staff were very polite — when it rained they came over to ask 'Do you want to move inside?' and brought us water.
I even spoke Russian with Sonya. She said my Russian was cute, which made me happy. But I thought I was speaking with native-like pronunciation.
She said she doesn't want to go back to Russia and that Ho Chi Minh is easier to live in. I handed her the tote bag as we said goodbye. She had a class soon; during summer break she works as an English teacher at a private tutoring school. She's really a hard worker. I hope we can meet again.
A first meeting after 3.5 years, My Tu
I went back to the hotel for a bit. It was raining and even the motorbikes were stuck in traffic — Vietnam is something else, I thought.
I decided to have dinner with My Tu. It was our first time meeting too. We first met in 2022, when I was studying abroad in Russia as an exchange student.
She was at the same university, saw my article and followed me on Instagram, and messaged me saying 'Amazing! I'm inspired!' She reached out and said she's living in Ho Chi Minh now, so we decided to have dinner together tonight.
She loves dogs and suggested a vegetarian restaurant that donates part of its proceeds to dog rescue. It was very close to where I'm staying, so we walked. When we arrived there was no one yet, so we looked at the menu and thought about what to order. We also recorded some French.
She told me she would be late because of the rain, and she arrived about 40 minutes late (lol). In Vietnam, being late seems to be the default. I'm used to it from my experience with Tao, so I wasn't upset and just did my own thing.
Finally My Tu arrived. Her hair and clothes were soaking, so my first words were, 'Are you cold? Are you okay?' She was very outgoing and loved to talk. She was also the best English speaker I've met so far and communicated clearly. So it was really easy to talk and our conversation flowed.
A Vietnamese woman who studied computer science in Russian
We looked at the menu together and I told her I don't like mushrooms or spicy food. My Tu talked with the staff and we ended up ordering a sour-ish soup, spring rolls, a heavily spiced dish (I don't know the name lol), and vegetable rolls.
While waiting for the food I heard about her background. Apparently she studied in Russia for five years. One year was for learning Russian and the other four she studied computer science in Russian at ITMO University. I was really surprised. I thought she might have been an exchange student like me, but I didn't expect her to take classes in Russian. I truly admired that.
When I asked why she chose Russia, she said many people from Vietnam study in Russia and it's relatively easy to go. She said about 1,000 people go. For us there were only two of us.
Vietnamese people don't become 'alone'
We talked about Vietnamese culture too. I've never seen a Vietnamese person act alone; they always go with friends, a partner, or family. So I asked, 'Don't people need time alone?'
She said Vietnamese people basically don't go out alone, and if you're spending time alone people think 'Are you okay? Did something happen?' or 'Did you break up with your boyfriend/girlfriend?' That's rough (lol). For us Japanese people, alone time is absolutely necessary. My Tu works in Microsoft customer support and sometimes when she eats lunch alone her colleagues ask, 'Are you okay?!' (lol).
We also talked about how food culture differs completely between HCMC and Hanoi and how Vietnamese dialects differ. Hanoi speaks the standard Vietnamese and HCMC mixes dialects. Sometimes even they don't understand each other. South Vietnam loves seasonings and spices and the flavors are very strong; Hanoi tends not to add many spices and values natural flavors. So I wondered whether Hanoi suits me better, though honestly I didn't feel much difference in taste.
Vegetarian but incredibly delicious
The food arrived, and it was way too much. But the vegetable rolls and spring rolls were incredibly delicious for vegetarian food. We were more excited by the conversation than the meal and kept talking, sometimes using Russian. She said she hasn't used Russian for a year so she'd already forgotten some.
She also told me about her experiences in Russia. She always spent time with other Vietnamese and they always cooked dinner. Ingredients could be bought easily at Asian supermarkets. When I studied in Russia, Vietnamese students were always in groups and always cooked. I, when tired, would always eat McDonald's or KFC or buy sushi at the supermarket, but Vietnamese people cooked no matter how tired they were. I felt the cultural differences.
At her current company My Tu just commutes between home and the office and overtime is normal. She's severely overworked and exhausted. She said she wants to change jobs. Indeed, even if you can earn a lot of money, if you don't have time to actually 'use' it then it's meaningless. Living 'for work' means no amount of money equals happiness; it's just being trapped by the survival instinct. I really empathized.
A feast for 3.5 years
We talked for about two hours and she wrote a message in my notebook. I wrote a message in Japanese. Even while writing in the card, she kept asking questions and talking without reserve — she was so outgoing I couldn't help but notice.
Through her study abroad in Russia she said that when she returned to Vietnam she felt exhausted because people had no personal space, and she was surprised by the noise on trains after getting used to Russia. I really feel that people who have studied abroad are on another level and think deeply. I was really happy to meet her after 3.5 years.
When it was time to go and I reached for my wallet she said, 'No, no, let me treat you!' and paid for everything, which surprised me. Her hospitality was incredible. She told me 'When you come to Japan, you have to treat me!' and I said, 'Of course!' This time she treated me.
We said bye and I returned to the hotel.
