I don't care what anyone says. After all, there's no certainty.
The girl I had only ever seen on Instagram said that decisively right in front of me.
A sleepless night and a mistaken breakfast
I couldn't sleep during the night. It was because of a Chinese person's unbearably loud snoring. In the end I fell asleep at 3:30 a.m. and woke up after 8. I was extremely sleepy. The shower only had cold water, so I didn't feel like taking one.
Yesterday's lack of breakfast had traumatized me, so today I hurried over while there was still some left.
It turned out it wasn't a buffet at all, just plates laid out for the number of guests. Yesterday I had interpreted the situation through my own assumptions. That plate was my breakfast. This was a textbook example of the idea that the world you see is only an interpretation in your own head. I took the plate to my seat and ate: egg, cheese, olives, with pasta in the center. Not nearly enough. The first hostel I'd stayed at was much better—its breakfast, facilities, and staff were all far superior. The contrast was huge.
A Fujifilm camera I bought with my own money
I completed check-out, left my big backpack, and went outside. A cute Turkish girl was sitting outside and seemed a little nervous. I felt a bit nervous too—she was cute. I said hello in a shaky voice and left.
I walked to Karakyoi. Today was finally the day to buy a Fujifilm camera. Last time in Thailand I could've bought the X100vi I wanted at a low price, but I was 10 minutes late and the shop had closed. It wasn't meant to be. This time for sure.
A salesman helped me, and we checked various lenses and film simulations. I decided on the camera I wanted: the X-T30 III. About 150,000 yen, a very affordable entry-level model that's light and easy to carry.
I asked a lot of questions and finally decided to buy it.
I paid in full with my Amex business card. I had finally bought a camera with my own money. I was so happy.
The person from Instagram, right in front of me
While I was writing in my journal, Kubra appeared. We met on an app called TripBff and had decided to meet up. In my view she was the most extroverted person I'd ever met—always talking. I thought we probably wouldn't click, but I also felt it would surely be interesting and fun. High-energy, talkative people are at least not negative, and I've recently realized I'm the kind of person who's influenced by others. So who I'm with greatly changes my personality and way of thinking.
So it's better for me to be with someone cheerful and positive. I feel that being around extroverted people will ultimately make me happier. Extroverted people who enjoy talking to others tend to pull you along, so they proactively expand their networks, and that brings more and more confidence.
I've experienced this many times. When I'm with introverted people, I feel sucked in and find myself becoming more introverted. Especially when I'm with people who stay in their comfort zone, life really doesn't become enjoyable.
So if someone asked me what type I like now, I'd probably say someone who actively steps out of their comfort zone. That, essentially, is the type I like.
The girl I'd been watching on Instagram appeared in front of me, and I felt like I'd come to a celebrity's concert.
I moved seats to a slightly bigger one and sat down. She ordered an iced caffè latte. The moment she ordered, received it, and sat down, her conversation didn't stop.
What was in my head then was that people want to be listened to, you like people who listen to you, ultimately what humans crave most is self-esteem, face the other person, treat them with care, and accept them, and humans want to be heard. So I kept smiling and nodding. As a result, she really never stopped talking, and I kept listening thinking she must be having a great time. Indeed, listening to someone is a greater lesson than speaking. This is something I must never forget.
Then, naturally, she shared her worries—saying she didn't want to become like her mother, but felt she couldn't be happy unless she did, that sort of dilemma. Also, she clearly separated herself from others and said the following.
I don't care what anyone says, she told me, because there's no certainty. No one knows me as well as I do, and I don't care about what people who don't really know my past have to say.
I try to say only positive things to myself and plan to stay positive forever. People around you always say negative things and judge you, right? So who's going to praise you? There's only yourself.
I completely agreed. She felt like a celebrity answering an interview for VOGUE. It was a very strange feeling, and she'd be the first person of this type I'd ever met. Because she had met and interacted with many people in the past, she'd learned about different lives and absorbed various ways of thinking. That's why she could have this mindset, I realized anew. And I relearned the importance of interacting with many kinds of people.
We also talked about relationships. She said she had her first boyfriend at 16 and was very hurt when he cheated. So now she apparently repeats relationships that are the complete opposite of being loyal. By doing that, you can see the middle ground, can't you? Until now I'd thought there were only loyal people or bad girls. But everyone starts loyal, then through various experiences becomes a bad girl. She said she didn't stop there—by having those experiences you eventually understand your type and can return to that middle ground. That was a new perspective for me.
She also said that you can't always take the right path, and even if you know it's wrong, that's okay. She was absolutely right. If you always try to take the right path, life becomes really boring and you miss opportunities. So rather than always choosing the right path, it's important not to overthink and to follow what your heart wants. This might end up being wrong or lead to bad experiences. But beyond that fear and terror, there may be something shining. It won't come immediately, but it waits beyond those scary experiences. She particularly emphasized that you will become the person you imagine, so it's important to keep believing. That was exactly what I always think. When you strongly envision your ideal self, your brain will inevitably think, act, and choose so that it becomes true.
I had her write me a message and gave her a khachapuri magnet I bought in Georgia. Her roots are Georgian. We took a photo together, she walked me near her home, and we said goodbye near a restaurant.
White rice and beans, the last Turkish meal
I headed to a lokanta and ordered my favorite white rice and bean soup, thinking this would be my last Turkish meal.
It was really delicious.
I retraced my steps, took the tram, and headed to the meeting place with Zhenya.
Reunion with Zhenya, two hours of deep conversation
I met Zhenya at the meeting place. I was genuinely happy and we hugged. I gave him the souvenir I bought at Ararat. We had two hours until the airport, so we walked together and talked about many things.
He is an honest friend with deep thoughts.
He seems like the type who, when he does something, wants to master it—an all-or-nothing person. He said he earns more from shooting weddings and parties than he invested in his camera and lenses. I learned the importance of viewing things from an investment perspective. I also bought a MacBook Pro for 400,000 yen and have already gotten more value than that. We also talked about religion; he taught me broadly about Christianity and Islam. Including conversations about love and sex, it was a good time sharing many values.
He told me he didn't go to university and has anxieties about what will happen in the future. I also know my job will eventually be replaced by AI for sure. So I have to create work for myself. For now I see this around-the-world trip as a phase to encounter different cultures and deepen myself. We hugged at the hotel and agreed to meet again in Poland next time. He loves to travel too, so if I tell him a month in advance we could travel together. I was really grateful just to hear him say that.
My excessive suspicion and the kind Turkish people
I hurried back to the hostel, packed, and headed to the airport. Along the way someone patted my shoulder to tell me I needed to change metros. Still, I judged him to be a strange man and ignored another older man who told me the same, and kept riding. As expected, his warning was true, and I had to go back the way I came.
I tend to be too suspicious and so don't easily trust people. But I also thought this level might be just right. Thank you, gentlemen. And sorry.
Thank you, Turkey
I arrived at the airport safely and completed the tax-free procedures and departure inspection.
In the lounge I opened and threw away the camera box, and ate dinner. The water tasted amazingly good after so long.
I took a late-night flight to Kyrgyzstan. Thank you, Turkey. Turkey has become one of my favorite countries.
