My brain wasn't fully awake yet, so I felt a little sleepy, but I managed to join the meeting. I even found myself wondering whether this meeting has any meaning. If it's unnecessary, that means it has no purpose. I think I'm sensing that unconsciously.
Laundry, Chinese food, and cafe work
First I went to do laundry. My small bag smelled awful, so I figured it was definitely because I keep leaving it in various places. When I go on long trips from now on, a flimsy small bag like this won't be enough, so I'm thinking of taking a lockable Columbia backpack — which probably means I won't be able to wash it.
In Malaysia, laundry works by exchanging money for coins first and then inserting them to operate the machines. So you end up getting extra tokens and paying more. But washing dirty things and having them come out clean felt really good.
While doing laundry I went to a nearby Chinese restaurant and had a mixed pork-and-chicken dish with rice. It was reliably tasty today, too. But I'm starting to get a bit tired of this flavor. I put things in the dryer, went back to my room to rest, and then went to a nearby cafe. I worked there for about 3 to 4 hours. I felt accomplished because I worked longer than usual. I was able to edit a video for TikTok, so I was satisfied. The cafe's honey lemon tea there was really delicious.
Japanese food is very popular even in Malaysia
I thought about going to a nearby Mexican restaurant, but it was crowded, so I walked to a nearby shopping mall. Apparently there are quite a few sushi restaurants there, so I thought that would be better. When I actually went to a sushi restaurant, it was crowded as usual.
So I decided to go into the ramen shop next door. I felt that Japanese food like sushi and ramen is really popular here in Malaysia, too. It was surprising that there are even three sushi restaurants.
I ordered a chashu rice bowl, water, and tonkotsu ramen for 1,700 yen. It was pretty pricey, but it was tasty enough, so whatever. I replied in French to a Russian friend for the first time in a while and messaged friends there.
The moment I thought I wanted a Cartier watch
Lately I've been feeling like I want a Cartier watch, a Cartier ring, and a Mercedes G-Wagon. This is, after all, the result of my focus on my own appearance; it's also about status, and I think it's a desire for approval — wanting to be recognized as beautiful.
The fact that I want those things might, conversely, mean that my inner confidence is wavering. I thought that was exactly it. Wanting these things means I'm not confident inside, so I cover myself with outward appearances to make people think I'm impressive.
Conversely, it's also proof that I'm panicking at the thought that I won't be seen as impressive unless I have those things. I really think that's pathetic.
Feeling like you can't attract people or be seen as impressive unless you're wearing such luxury items — that's very sad and makes me feel miserable.
So what I should think about here is cultivating my inner self more and investing in each and every moment.
I understand wanting a Mercedes, and I think someone wearing a Cartier watch looks really cool.
But even if I didn't have those things, I want to become — and I will become — someone people think, "Kota's way of life is cool," "He's always really cool."
In the end, it's not about what you own but about "what you've done," "what you've left behind in life," "how you've lived" — that kind of way of life, in other words your story, is what attracts people.
So I want to focus on that. It's not that people are drawn to you because you wear a Cartier ring; they're drawn to you because you have 10,000 followers. That's what I want to aim for first.
Focus on projects, not relationships
While eating ramen I found myself thinking about people. When you're traveling alone, you inevitably see people traveling together or families and think, "That's nice," "I'm jealous."
I want to stay free, but I also feel envious of people's connections. That was how I felt. Of course I want to build deep relationships now, but I also want to meet lots of people in each place and get a lot of stimulation. That's what I want.
But because of the fixed idea that you have to be an impressive person or be on the same level as them to be seen that way, you end up not being able to talk to people who seem impressive.
Yet the people I truly want to connect with are those valuable people. Maybe that's why I hesitate — because I want to make connections with those high-level people.
What I realized is that it's really a waste to be tossed around by "relationships" and not be able to complete your projects. It's by advancing those projects that your true self comes alive, and by concentrating on them various things, not just sensitivity, are refined. So I think it's really important and something you must not cut away.
Rather than worrying about relationships, it's important to focus solely on your projects (the things you can control). I think that's what I've been taught.
When I complete this project and gain lots of followers, there's no doubt that new, valuable encounters will follow. People will unquestionably regard someone with many followers as a "valuable person," so I think it's really important.
So I thought I'd work hard in that direction. First, I should feel grateful that I can be here in Malaysia, different from other Japanese people, and there's no path other than steadily putting in effort & persistence.
On the way back I stopped at a different cafe and wrote in my journal and continued my work.
