Day 2 in Kota Kinabalu. I ended up waking up at 2 a.m. today. It takes me such a long time from waking up until I'm ready. Part of me wonders why I dawdle so much, and another part thinks I'm probably just being lazy.
There's no commuting to work and nothing I have to do. I think it's precisely because I'm truly free. But at the same time that's not always good, so I felt that self-discipline is really important.
Even though the café staff opened up to me
I ordered steamed chicken and rice at a nearby Chinese restaurant. I was sure this place would be delicious, and when I tried it it actually was. In Kota Kinabalu the people here are either Chinese or Malay. A Japanese person like me was super rare.
I went back to the hotel to do laundry. I had a pile of unwashed clothes, so I was glad to finally get them washed.
After the wash and dry finished, I packed up my laptop and decided to go to a café I'd been to before. That café was really great and one of my favorites. The staff was very friendly, chatting about trivial things like 'Where are you from?' or 'Is this your first time here?' They even asked for my Instagram.
I thought she was probably curious about me, and I admired her courage.
I couldn't even ask 'Nice to meet you' or 'What's your name,' and at the root of it might be that I'm shy, or that I don't see myself as someone worthy of being welcomed in that way.
So it felt like I was confirming that, and it made me really sad. I also want to do something about this low self-esteem. She had opened up to me, so why do I close myself off?
I want to meet Wayn
I was working inside, but the Wi-Fi was too slow. I worked until a good stopping point and left the shop. I wanted to meet Wayn today! So I decided to go to the nostalgic seafood restaurant. My heart raced wondering if Wayn would be there, and inside I was thinking about how I'd take photos and how to get a good smile, stuff like that.
I bought mango juice at a nearby market and wanted to do things the same way as two years ago. I walked to the seafood place. The touts were really annoying and even touched me, so I really wanted them to stop.
I arrived in front of the restaurant where we used to sit, and I thought, 'Huh? I wonder if Wayn is here,' but he wasn't. When I showed a photo and asked, the man said 'Oh, this is my friend,' but when I asked 'Where is he?' he gave a vague answer like he's gone shopping or something. I wasn't sure.
When he asked 'What would you like to order?' I of course said 'Fried rice with chicken.' The exact same menu as two years ago.
It was pretty filling, and I thought once again that the fried rice here is bold and delicious. Food from stalls like this is, after all, the most delicious, more than what you get in restaurants.
'People are attracted to those who satisfy their self-esteem'
I kept thinking about it while I ate. I was moved by Wayn and Kasi. Looking back, they had just treated me with care. When I said my name at Starbucks, he was the only one who wrote my name with great thoughtfulness.
He told me, 'You're the beautiful Kota from Japan. Not City.' And Wayn sat down while I was eating fried rice and started talking to me, asking things like 'How is Japan?' and 'What do you do?'.
He gave me fried bananas for free and free juice. His kindness and the way he treated me so generously — in other words, he satisfied my self-esteem.
So 'people are attracted to those who fulfill their self-esteem' is really an important lesson. When you're treated with care, you want to give back even more. This was a big lesson. 'Fulfilling the other's self-esteem' means treating the other person with care.
I want to keep this in mind for the rest of my life. It is especially effective with people who don't seem to be treated with care.
The walking road at night
Wayn wasn't there. That made me really sad, and I realized that when you're excited and daydreaming, things often don't actually happen. Why is that? Why do so many things not happen? It's a big question.
I paid 10 ringgit and left. I walked and walked until I reached the walking road. I kept walking and reminiscing about familiar places — I was here two years ago too. I strolled the night streets while listening to music.
I ended up walking a total of 6 km, but it was a lot of fun. Kota Kinabalu has abundant walking roads and nature, and because planes frequently arrive, it has many elements I like. But I don't want to live there.
