We arrived at a service area in the middle of the night. There I ate khao man gai. I had no idea when the bus would depart. When I woke up everyone had gone for a break, so while wondering how much longer it would be, I took a risky chance and ordered khao man gai at the restaurant.
I thought eating at 2 a.m. was a bad idea, but I hadn't eaten at all that day so I was hungry. I also managed to use the restroom and then got on the bus. I finally thought I could sleep, so I put on an eye mask, put my earphones in, and tried to sleep.
5:30 AM, to Koh Tao
When I woke up it was 5:30. That's way too early. I thought, we're arriving much earlier than I expected! Oh well, I had no choice, so I got off the bus. A Thai woman came in and started speaking Thai really loudly.
She was really loud, I thought. So we grabbed our bags and disembarked. There was no one sitting next to the bus seat, so we were truly lucky. Carrying the backpack is really tough. It's 20 kg in total, so it was super hard. They said the ferry to Koh Tao would depart at 7:45 AM, so we decided to wait there.
I ordered Thai tea at a nearby cafe and worked on an urgent task. I was able to get through about three parts and felt a bit relieved. Today was the last day, so I absolutely had to finish, which was really hard.
Huge ferry and crystal-clear sea
When the time came I boarded the ferry to Koh Tao.
It was a ferry that goes to the three islands Koh Samui, Koh Tao, and Koh Pangan, and it was so huge that it made me laugh.
While on the ferry the spray was intense and I thought it was amazing. I stayed outside almost the whole time instead of being inside.
Big, huge bursts of spray, the outside sky, nature, the air — feeling all that made the corners of my mouth lift naturally. Ah, I thought, I'm connected to nature. At one point, while watching the spray, an older man started talking to me. He seemed like an Australian retiree and kept insisting that those clouds were caused by some country doing nuclear tests, that they were contaminating us, and other weird conspiracy-like things; he had a somewhat unique worldview.
But I listened to those trivial stories with a calm 'mm-hmm' as if nothing was wrong. I thought that ability to let things slide is also important.
Still, talking with the old man was fun. Anyway, I enjoyed it.
Before I knew it we had arrived at Koh Tao. The sea was a transparent color and truly beautiful.
On the boat I must have been so exhausted that even though people talked to me and someone said 'Oh! This camera is so cool!' I was so tired that I replied in a way that came off rude just by answering. Maybe it couldn't be helped.
When we got off the boat there were a lot of people waiting to board outside. Everyone was European and there weren't any Asians at all, haha. I felt like maybe I was the only one; it made me think I'm really different. In a way that made me happy.
I refused a 400-baht bike taxi and walked 2.3 km
I stopped at a nearby cafe for breakfast. Eating so early in the morning felt kind of refreshing.
There I finished the remaining urgent tasks. Around 11 it got really hot. It was clear and sunny that day. The work was almost done, but it was so hot that staying outside was exhausting, so I went to a 7-Eleven and bought three bottles of Pocari. Someone outside was calling for a bike taxi. They initially invited me, but I declined and went to the 7-Eleven.
Then I thought walking 2.3 km in this blazing heat might be dangerous, so I asked how much to the hostel. They said 400 baht. Maybe I looked like an easy target. The guy had that 'oh, a good customer has arrived' look. He saw right through me.
So I refused and decided to walk. He asked, 'How much would be okay?' and I said, '100 baht.' He said fine, but ignored me and walked off. I wanted to show him that if you trick me you'll get hurt. Doing that only ends up hurting you — I wanted to make that clear.
I walked 2.3 km and arrived at the hostel. The walk was really full of nature, and I could see a beautiful sea in the distance. The sea was so clear and pretty.
I even thought it might have been better to choose walking. I checked into the hostel and immediately fell asleep.
Hostel with zero privacy
The hostel had that 'hostel' vibe — no proper lockers, curtains were half-done. Everything was on full display. I laughed at the total lack of privacy. I thought that might be kind of interesting in its own way.
Other people checking in came in and everyone was doing introductions, but I missed the timing and ended up looking like a total introvert. Their reactions were kind of awkward, I thought.
But I think the reason is me. I give off that kind of vibe, so people find it hard to talk. Actually everyone was probably nice. But whether they become friendly depends on how you approach them. That's something I really need to grasp.
Diving school plunge
I thought, well, there are days like that. I immediately went to a nearby diving school called Roctopas. It's with an international organization called RAID — you might know famous ones like PADI, but this school felt more up-to-date. A friend recommended it. The price was 11,000 baht; PADI was 8,000. So it was 3,000 baht more expensive, but I thought it was fine.
I was actually nervous. How should I talk to them? How should I act? What should I say to apply?
But when I went in a woman came and she turned out to be French. She asked about the different seas I've been to, and when I said I wanted to dive in the Egyptian sea she said, 'Nice! There, you see —' and told me a lot about it.
In the end I decided on the spot and paid 11,000 baht. Since I was the only one, if I started lessons today they'd be one-on-one! they said. Actually their group lessons take up to four people, so that made me happy. But I was a little sad that I might not make friends.
So I filled out the necessary information on the computer and completed the registration. Payment done.
Orientation starts with five people
I sat on the sofa and waited. Twenty minutes until the lesson started. I was glad I mustered the courage to apply to the diving school. Actually, that was the main event for coming to Koh Tao (lol).
While I was waiting a bunch of people came in, and in 20 minutes four people had registered. So the orientation would start with five of us.
The instructor was Australian with a very strong accent. Everyone started with introductions and I was super nervous. One Dutch person, three Brits, and then me.
Everyone else managed to get laughs and did good introductions, but I couldn't get any laughs. I felt like a serious person. But I'm living my life seriously, so of course I come across as serious. I thought maybe that's fine, but when interacting with people a bit of looseness is also important.
I couldn't understand the instructor's English at all; lots of technical terms came up and I had no idea what he was saying. Everyone else nodded or asked questions, but I didn't understand anything and wondered why they were laughing. It was a slight setback.
The moment orientation ended I went to the restroom. I'd been holding in a stomachache the whole time. So even though the instructor said, 'Thank you! See you tomorrow,' and everyone said goodbye, I turned away and went to the toilet.
But I'm not actually an introvert. I just have strange preconceptions. Those can be erased by accumulating successful experiences and you can change. So I want to keep challenging myself and accumulate them.
Stop seeking the right answer
I completed registering an account on RAID's official site, and from tomorrow lessons would finally start! I walked back to the hostel. I took a shower, and for dinner went to the place a friend recommended. I ordered duck and rice.
I didn't think the taste was particularly good. The place was packed with tourists. Everyone seemed to be French or British or Australian or from somewhere in Europe.
I sat at the counter because a seat was free. There were strangers on both sides. I relaxed there, watching bikes and people passing by, wondering what emotions they were feeling, and I smiled while looking at everyone.
What I felt there was, 'Aren't I seeking the right answer too much?' 'Is that why things don't go well?' Previously I acted on feelings as they were, so it didn't feel manufactured and I was natural.
So I used to connect with people naturally. But now I'm always overthinking like 'wouldn't it be better to do it this way?' and my face gets tense. I realized that's turning life into something really boring. Thinking back, I felt Japan's education and the company I worked for had a big influence. Choosing your environment is really, really important. If you stay somewhere long, you unconsciously become influenced by that place. From there, deciding to be reborn and actually taking action to change takes quite some time. In other words, you're rewriting your values.
So seeking the right answer is wrong. Instead, I thought it's better to simply move as your emotions lead you.
In Japan, showing emotions = embarrassing, childish
I think it's true that some people have that way of thinking. That might have been correct in the bubble era when you didn't have to think — you just did what you were told. Back then Japan kept the economy moving by mass-producing convenient things, so if everyone showed their emotions companies couldn't operate. It was basically 'follow the manual and act.'
But overseas that's extremely uncivilized, and people who don't show emotion are like robots and boring; many would rather not engage with them. Emotions are life — the essence of being human. Living humanly means showing emotion.
So when I see people who seem dead inside, I feel they must have suppressed a lot of emotions and have nowhere to release them; they've suffered. It's like a tired wind-up tin robot whose spring turns very slowly.
But just thinking about it isn't enough — you have to act. And I can do it. 'Small successful experiences' accumulated will change that belief. So I learned that taking action repeatedly is important.
After eating I returned to the hostel to work. While I was working a cat came over and fell asleep next to me. I think animals really like me.
