I woke up at 9:30 today. I kept wondering when I should ask Luka to write a message in the notebook. Is this overthinking too? I said good morning, took a shower, brushed my teeth, got dressed, and packed. Luka was checking out today too, so we were both packing.
Notebook exchange
While eating breakfast, I handed Luka the notebook and asked, "Could you write something?" He wrote a very nice message in French.
I gave him the message card I wrote yesterday. He seemed so moved that we hugged. Having the message I wrote read aloud right in front of me was really embarrassing and I didn't know how to respond. Still, expressing your feelings like that is truly important, and I want to cherish it forever.
Three hours of deep conversation
Then Luka and I talked for about three hours—really a lot. We talked about salaries in the Netherlands and France, the economy, war and politics, and relationships. Luka was truly beautiful, true to himself, and sincere.
Apparently he's been dating someone for three years, but because their personalities are completely different they've had a lot of arguments. I haven't had that kind of experience; my relationships have mostly been with similar people, so I thought that was impressive and I'd like to try that kind of experience too.
How do you avoid having expectations?
I asked something that I could honestly call my biggest worry: "How can I avoid expecting things from others?"
Luka's answer was logical. He said there are levels within him, about four. Level 1 is someone you'd never want to speak to again, 2 is an okay person, 3 is a friend, and 4 is a truly important person you meet only once or twice in a lifetime. He said you might have expectations for a level-4 person, but not for the others.
I thought that was a really mature way of thinking. Not expecting things from others is important. But if it's a choice between "not expecting & being pessimistic" or "expecting & living like a human," I'd without a doubt choose the latter. I don't want to live pessimistically, and it's painful to live with a detached attitude. I always want to keep my heart open. Of course, there's a big risk in that—you end up exposing your heart. But because humans are emotional beings, I want to always be genuine. That's an unchanging value for me.
Saying goodbye to Luka, heading to a new hostel
After eating khao man gai, I got ready and checked out. Luka went to the airport, and I moved to a new hostel.
The new hostel's room was small, but the staff were very pleasant. From check-in they explained everything politely, asked where in Japan I was from, and told me recommended places. When I said I was working, they also told me about a coworking space. They were very warm and genuine.
After checking in, I was so sleepy that I ended up sleeping for over an hour.
Coconut Shell and Starbucks
In the rain, wearing a raincoat, I went to a restaurant called Coconut Shell. By the time I left the hostel it had turned into a light drizzle. That's life, I guess. I had khao soi, a rice hamburger, and Thai tea. It was tasty, but the kind of flavor that feels like once is enough. I guess I've become picky.
When I came to Starbucks to work, a staff member asked me, "Are you studying?" I replied, "I'm staying in Chiang Mai for a month and traveling around," and they said, "Wow, you're young and that's impressive." After all, rather than formal exchanges, it's these small everyday conversations that feel human and warm.
Space in the heart, and a crush
I'm writing in my diary after finishing work. Even now I'm thinking about many things. Because there's space in my heart, I end up looking back on past memories, imagining ideals, and getting lost in them. It's easy to say "live in the now," but actually doing it is difficult.
